Ballerific Relationships: Keep Casual Sex, Casual
Casual sex, when it works, is an amazing thing: two consenting individuals fulfilling each other’s sexual desires, without the stress of a commitment or relationship. Again, when it works. Often times before we realize it, after we’ve already become well addicted to the healing powers of good sex. Being blindsided by the overwhelming pleasure of consistently good sex, we begin to wander outside the boundaries of casual. Maybe it’s the familiarity, or closeness that skews our judgment, but we mustn’t forget what we agreed to initially. The moment we forget, and get drunk off the ohh-na-na-ni, is the pivotal moment things get messy, feelings will most always get hurt, and a good thing ruined. So, because we are now well into cuffing season, I felt there was no better time to breakdown how to keep a casual fling, casual.
Define what casual means, and consists of between the two of you:
Everybody’s definition of casual is different. Have a grown-up discussion about what it means, what you all expect of it and what that will look like. For example, you all are obviously not going to have sessions where you share family secrets and deep rooted psychological issues. Instead, occasional convo’s about the recent episode of How to Get Away With Murder, is more appropriate. Furthermore, agree to what is acceptable or not acceptable in the beginning, so there’s a point of reference if things begin to go awry.
Respect each other’s space:
Talking everyday, checking up on each other’s where about’s, and invading one another’s inbox every five minutes, is a relationship. Let’s call a spade a spade and not pretend those are just nice gestures. Make sure you don’t mistake sex for love, and begin to think that because they want to have sex with you. Just because they have sex with you doesn’t mean they want to be around you all the time. Space is healthy and necessary, so respect that both of you have other obligations, other friends, and other relationships to invest time in.
Don’t manipulate your partner for control:
Humans are extremely territorial and like to lay claim to anything we can. Therefore, the urge to claim the person you are having causal sex with comes naturally. But, they aren’t yours to claim, just borrow, and you know that. So don’t intentionally lead them on, play emotional games and say things like “I could see myself with you…” to confuse them, give them hope and keep them close. If you’re after exclusivity, re-evaluate what it is you are looking for, as casual sex may not be it.
Keep them separate from anyone you show interest in romantically :
Don’t ask them for advice, confide in them about who you may be in love with, or even discuss a possible romantic interest with them. There are so many way’s that can go wrong. One, your sex buddy can use that information to compete for your love. Or worse, they can be messy in order to sabotage your love interest. Avoid any messiness, and keep them separate.
Casual sex exists purely to have easy, and non-committal relations, let’s keep it that way. Be sure to respect boundaries, not get too comfortable. Keep everything on the up-and-up, and your casual fling should be nothing but good sex and occasional convo! So, if you are still drafting for your cuffing season starting five, keep these in mind to ensure a smooth season to come.